It’s Christmas night and he’s kicking up a storm.

I take comfort in his kicks. They let me know he’s here, that he’s still thriving, that he’s ready to move, that he’s a part of me, but also apart from me. I don’t control him. I don’t know when he’s going to kick. He’s on his own schedule, his own time frame. It’s strange, but comforting.

I think about him all the time now. We have just over two months to go before we meet in person. And I can’t wait. I’m so looking forward to having him in my life, to holding him, to feeding him. To having him frustrate me, challenge me, totally depend on me. It’s going to be amazing.

This Christmas was special. We know he’s coming. He got tons of presents from everyone. He’s beloved, and everyone was thinking about next year, when he’ll be part of all of this.

Everything seems to be going well with him, with me. We’re moving along right as we are supposed to. We are monitored a little more heavily, but nothing so far has come up of concern. I don’t even have the gestational diabetes I was convinced was going to change everything. Heart is fine. Blood pressure is fine. Some swelling but manageable.

I keep wondering what he’ll be like. Whether he’ll be assertive and opinionated like his cousin. Whether he’ll be quiet and reserved. Whether he’ll be challenging or easy. Whether he’ll be one we have to be careful for when he’s quiet or will we know he’s coming from a mile away.

In some respects, I feel like he’s already here. He’s taking so much of our energy and love. But we’re overjoyed to give it to him. And it’s not a chore. He’s adding to our lives, and I think we’re even closer than we were before because of him, if that was even possible.

This world we are bringing him into is chaotic and scary and messed up. But we know he’ll add value to it, try to make it a better place. And we will do everything in our power to protect him, to love him, to prepare him for this world.

Merry Christmas little one. I’m so happy you’re in my life, kicking me, letting me know you’re here. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms, to show you the world of love that you’re coming into, to feel your excitement and wonder and awe at this place we’re bringing you to.

I’m so very much in love with you.