Daily Archives: April 22, 2013

Getting real

I made an appointment with my ob/gyn today.  It’s not for another four weeks, so I’ll have plenty of time between now and then to fret and worry and obsess.

It’s still so very theoretical to me.  More and more, I’m feeling confidence that Yes, I am pregnant. Yes, I’m going to have a baby.  Holy crap, I’m gonna be a mama.

I tell myself that I’m silly for being freaked out. That tons of people have done this before me. That I’m no different than everyone else. That Graham and I are great with the dogs and we’ll be great with kids.  That I have an amazing partner who is just as excited-scared-nervous-happy as I am.

Then I freak out a little more.

I am so excited and scared and everything all at once.  I’m trying not to freak out too much, but at the same time, I know that this is a big deal. A very big deal.

GAH!

Graham had his appointment today. The doctor said that he thought the combination of things that we’d done to get pregnant obviously worked, but if something happens, we should definitely seek further assistance going forward.

Part of me is glad to have this bit of time before my first appointment to get ready. Part of me is terrified that I’ll screw something up and won’t have gone in early enough to fix it.  I suppose that right now is the “not much to do but let it grow a little” phase.  I’m sure that it’ll be ok.  And if it isn’t, it probably means that it wasn’t healthy or viable or otherwise someone who would have made it very long in the world.

It’s killing me not to scream from the rooftops. I know the reasons not to tell people, and I understand them.  I don’t really want to tell too many people, but mama and papa not knowing is killing me. Graham and I figured that we’d tell them at papa’s birthday, which is right around 10 weeks.  That’s about six weeks from now.  Eesh.  I’m sure we’ll tell Graham’s parents around the same time.  I’m not quite sure when/how we’ll tell everyone else.

I’m reading up on food and exercise and medicine and dos and don’ts and all of the things I should do to make this go as well as possible.

I’m having a baby! Dear god, I’m having a baby.